The Big Show was on Conan O’Brien last night and did a great job. He showed a lot more charisma on the show than he has in most of his WWF performances. He was dressed in a shirt that suggested he recently went shopping with The Rock. Some of the things discussed: CONAN: How tall are you? SHOW: About 7’ 1" CONAN: About 7’ 1"? They’ve never been able to measure? SHOW: Well you know, when you get over 7 ft., it doesn’t matter, so if you’re 7ft and a half, it’s kinda like when you’re a kid - I’m 6 and a half, not 7 years old. CONAN: How much do you weigh? SHOW: Well according to television, I’m 500lbs, but you know I’ve been on somewhat of a diet, so now I’m about 430 lbs. CONAN: You slimmed down to 430? SHOW: Slimmed down to get faster. CONAN: You know, I don’t know if this comes across on TV, and I don’t mean to be insulting at all - believe me I don’t want to be insulting [audience laughs]. Trust me when I tell you there’s no insult here, but you have a very large head. You back me up on this Andy, that’s a big head [audience laughs]. SHOW: My head’s so big that if I take my hat off and leave it in the back yard and fill it with water, the neighborhood kids would come over and use it for a pool [audience laughs]. I mean I would look funny with a little head wouldn’t I. CONAN: I think it would be hilarious. When you go to McDonalds, and I’m just picking a name at random because I’m hoping that I am somehow compensated by that large and good corporation [audience laughs]. When you go to McDonalds what’s a meal for you? What do you spend? How much does a meal cost? SHOW: I spend, for just me, probably between $20 and $30, just for one setting [audience oohs]. CONAN: What are we talking about? SHOW: Well, you’re going to have in that assortment depending on the mood, you’re going to have a few Big Macs, you’re going to have a few of the 20-piece McNuggets, a filet-o-fish, of course you gotta have french fries, and you gotta have chocolate shakes. CONAN: Chocolate shakes? Plural? [audience laughs] SHOW: I want one to eat then when I’m done, I want one for like the ride home. And of course you have to have dessert - that’s a few apple pies. CONAN: A lot of us are intimidated by something, and for you what is it? Is there anything that intimidated you? SHOW: Yeah. It’s small people - midgets [audience laughs]. CONAN: Are you being serious? SHOW: I’m serious. You know why? I’m going to tell you why. In my business, I work with a lot of small people and people that know me like Jack Lanza and other people I work with tease me because small people - the politically correct term... CONAN: You said midget before, but now we’re into small people [audience laughs]. SHOW: Thanks for bringing that up and burying me on TV. Thank you. They tend to make me nervous because when the get around in a little group of them they’re all looking at me, and sometimes I feel like Gulliver and they’re Lilliputians [audience laughs]. I have this nightmare where I would be on a beach tied down, they’re gonna ram me with pitch forks ready to kill the giant or something you know. I can’t help it. You know they’re sitting aroung a group going, 'You know 4 or 5 of us, we could take him - right at the knees. Right in there.' CONAN: What I love, you’re so paranoid, like you’re saying you know when you see like 4 or 5 of them hanging around. No! Where are 4 or 5 of them hanging around? SHOW: They’re everywhere man! They’re everywhere! CONAN: I love that that freaks you out. SHOW: Now I’m going to get hate mail from midgets, which will really increase my nightmares. CONAN: [mocking] Oh I hope they don’t come after me. SHOW: That’s not funny. I’m serious. CONAN: You got big at an early age. How big were you say when you were like 11, 12 years old? SHOW: I was 6’ 2" 200lbs with hair on my chest and sideburns. CONAN: I still don’t have hair on my chest. SHOW: Don’t worry, it’ll happen soon. CONAN: I’m curious, did that get you... When you start to think about it, you think that a 10 or 11-year-old kid would get into trouble even if he didn’t want to get in trouble. SHOW: Well, here’s a little story that will put that whole childhood trauma together that it’s a wonder I’m not a postal worker right now. The first girl I ever kissed - I got arrested. CONAN: You got arrested? SHOW: I sure did. CONAN: What happened? How old were you? SHOW: I was 12. She was 11. We went to the roller skating rink, and you try to get that first kiss, you get this girl, you don’t know if she likes you. She doesn’t know if you like her. It’s by the lockers. It’s your first kiss. We all remember our first. CONAN: It’s innocent and it’s sweet. SHOW: Well, what happens to me - I get tackled by a Rent-A-Cop who thinks I’m like a 20-year-old pervert [audience laughs]. The guy cuffs me and throws me on the ground and he wants to see ID. I’m 12 yrs old; I don’t even have a library card for crying out loud. I’m in tears. Needless to say, this girl would never talk to me again. Through high school, she wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t get a date - well, I still haven’t gotten a date.